Pew Pew Pew

"Lincoln in an Earthquake"

2012-01-18T06:09:00.001-08:00

A picture my 6 year old cousin drew of his younger brother on my computer. Apparently the black lines are the "earthquake", the yellowish thing with the red dot is clearly the sun, and the blue man is Lincoln.

The vision I saw in my sweat

2012-01-18T05:57:00.000-08:00

Strange thoughts about vomiting.

2011-10-30T06:04:00.000-07:00

If asked what the worst feeling in the world was, I'd answer "vomiting".

I used to get severely car-sick when I was younger, and long car trips would result with me vomiting on my lap, the seat adjacent to me, or in a plastic bag (if there was one handy). In fact, I vomited so often, that if I travelled with family, nobody ever wanted to sit next to me.

I distinctly remember that the thought of the colour pink, black, or dust on the dashboard made me feel extremely ill (I have no idea why).

Anyway, prior to vomiting, I was always in a state of complete fear and anxiety. As a child, I remember sitting in the back seat and attempting to wrench the seat belt away from my body to lessen the constricting feeling in my chest. Whenever I felt like I couldn't control the nausea anymore, I'd indicate to my parents, "I don't feel so good". They would respond with a "just sit still", or a shrug because they were too busy driving. This only made me panic more. The lead up to the vomiting itself was drawn out and physically distressing (because who wants to feel on the edge of nausea for an extended period?), and I would always feel helpless and alone.

To this day, I still feel extremely scared whenever I'm on the edge of vomiting. I actually haven't vomited in nine years; though, I have come close. In those cases, my fear of vomiting was so overwhelming that I somehow willed myself not to vomit. I say "will myself" because even when I started to gag, and literally feel my eyeballs pop out of my face, I somehow held it back by repeating in my head, "I don't want to vomit, I don't want to vomit, I don't want to vomit, I don't want to vomit". It's almost cowardly, because I'd rather feel well immediately after vomiting, rather than recover slowly by waiting for my body to pass the virus/infection/poisoning. In fact, I've oftened thought of people who are able to force themselves to vomit (when they're ill), or do so without any inhibition as brave.

Anyway, recently I've had bouts of nausea that I've had to mentally control. The strange thing is, I don't think I'm afraid of the physical act of vomiting itself anymore (I once came very close in an elevator in Vietnam and it wasn't scary at all), but rather the thought of doing it in an inappropriate place. For instance, when I was just walking around the city feeling ill, I kept thinking about where a good place to vomit was. Options would pass through my head as I saw them. The bin, the toilet, the drain, the sidewalk, under the tree? However, none of these were good enough. They were still highly inappropriate because people would be walking around everywhere, and how does one act while one is vomiting and others are watching? Also, once it comes out, what does one do? Are you supposed to cover it up with dirt? Clean it up? Surely, you have to clean it up right? Or do you just walk away like nothing happened? Even in my own home, I think about the best place to vomit, and only feel like it's okay to vomit when I've prepared myself in a good location with the necessary equipment (plastic bag, tiger balm, squatting position, etc).

Maybe I have an obsession with control and cleanliness. I think vomiting is one of those acts that exposes how vulnerable you are. It occurs when you are helpless to control your own body, and results in expelling something that is normally unseen and inappropriate in everyday life.

Anyway, it has gotten me thinking. Is it normal for people to think about these things before they're going to be sick? Does anyone else think about the logistics of vomiting?

Where did my cat friend go?

2011-08-27T21:11:00.000-07:00

There used to be a small black cat with big green eyes that loitered around my garden. It appeared to be a stray, but looked well kept.

Initially, I had no idea what sex it was, and assumed it was a female until someone familiar with cats picked it up and said otherwise.

Anyway, the little black cat would brazingly sneak under my gate and sit on the warm cement in my front yard. I would spy on it through my window as it played and gnawed on tufts of grass.

It would come by often, and I remember befriending it so easily.

I believe it was a warm spring day when I decided to heat up some stirfried chicken for the little cat. I was tossing up between unheated or heated, because I had no idea what cats were accustomed to eating. I quietly unlocked my front door, and tip toed outside. I then placed the heated chicken (which was on a plate because I wasn't sure if it'd eat it from the ground) a few feet away from the cat, and stood back, watching as it sniffed and consequently wolfed it down.

I stood there, attempting to get closer to it, but also not to invade too much as to scare it away. It walzed up to be in a nonchalant manner and began to caress its way around my legs. When I turned back inside to put the plate in the sink, I saw that it had walked into my house and was exploring without fear.

I think it's fair to say that from then on it was my friend!

Whenever I saw glimpses of the little cat outside my house from my window, I would grab my keys and run to unlock the door and join it. Once it saw me, it would immediately run up to me in an completely uninhibted way, and stick his head in my hand for a big pat. I would squat down to be at eye-level with it, and sometimes (if I was lucky), it would jump up and mush it's face into mine. It kind of reminded me of a dog, and I remember thinking, "this is the friendliest cat I've ever seen".

I decided that the name "Percy" befitted him. I felt like Percy and I had a very special relationship. He didn't seem as uninhibited with other people as he was with me. And perhaps this is only my perception of the experience, but I truly felt a naturalness and easiness in the way we communicated. I just fed off his vibes, and him off mine. We never had to talk. Sometimes we'd just sit next to each other and stare at things. He was kind of schizophrenic in the way he stared at things. It would be the sky one second, a rose bush the next, basically all around within a few minutes. I would just follow his stare and feel comfort in the fact that we were doing something together. During those times everything felt so simple, and I thought, "it's really nice being a cat".

He would purposely loiter outside my back door, and sit there waiting for me to open it. It was like he was calling me out to explore with him. Sometimes I'd stay with him until it got dark, and I would have to retreat indoors. He would follow me to the doorway, and I'd leave the door open sitting there with him because it was hard for me to say goodbye. I had no idea where he went to afterwards, or what kind of conditions he lived in, but I always tried my best to give him food, and lots of pats when he came around.

I'm really sad to say that I haven't seen Percy around these days, and have no idea how he is. I miss the special relationship we had. He always brought calm to my storm. Whenever I was with him, he grounded me, and made me remember how wonderful it was to just sit and absorb the stillness, and to live in the moment.

I miss his green eyes, how friendly he was to me, and his little arched back (not sure if he had a spinal problem). I hope he's happy wherever he may be now. I hope he remembers me, because I'll never forget him.

---

This recollection was spurred on by a few photographs I stumbled on the other day, of a friendly cat that used to wander around my old house. I really wish I had taken pictures of him, and us together during his many visits, but the thought never occurred to me.

Anyway, I will leave you with the other special, and very friendly cat I used to hang around with. It had complete heterochromia (one blue eye and one yellow eye), which I found very intriguing.

The Woes of Being a Student Cyclist

2011-08-20T21:23:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to post something along these lines for a while now. I only got around to finishing it when I had my heart on submitting it and possibly getting it published in the Woroni (ANU newspaper). From my knowledge, it didn't make it. Ah well, at least I can post it here!

---

Sometimes I bemoan getting up early in the morning. Especially on those days when you look outside your window and see a layer of frost covering every discernible surface. But I do it because I enjoy seeing the hustle and bustle of students walking to and fro in union court. I wonder where they’re heading to, I wonder if they’re having a good day, and I wonder what walk of life they’ve come from. When I’m amongst them I feel like I’m a part of the micro-society. I know these people, these are my people. We may be strangers, but we’ve shared so many communal experiences. Like the dread before an exam, or those sunken eyes due pulling an all nighter for an assignment, or even the mad rush to write that cover sheet and push that essay into the assignment shoot, bidding goodbye to ever having to worry about it again.

However, this feeling radically disappears as soon as I swing a leg over my bicycle beat and clip on my helmet. Now I’m a student cyclist amongst hoards of student pedestrians, and I’m trying to fight my way through union court.

“Man, I wish this person would look where they’re walking!” I think to myself as the guy listening to his iPod decides to make a bee-line straight for me.

“Geesus, why doesn’t this person walk in a straight line?” I think as I grit my teeth in frustration as the girl in front of me sharply walks diagonally across, cutting me off from overtaking.

“Why are these people not giving way to me?” I say to myself as I ride at a snail’s pace behind a group of students who have decided to take up the entire pathway without letting me pass.

It becomes a constant battle every time I ride in to my lectures, and out from my tutorials. It’s like I’ve become invisible to my fellow students. It’s a strange feeling when you’re constantly watching out for the myriad of people around you, while they never notice you. You don’t want to hurt them, or run into them, but it often seems like they’ve unintentionally got it out for you.

I guess the message I want to put forth is:

Please, if you’re a pedestrian walking on campus, take care and be aware of fellow student cyclists around you. They’re often having a hard time trying to maneuver around people, especially in Union Court. I think we would all fare better and be much safer if we practice vigilance and awareness of our surroundings.

Look here for regular updates :)

2011-07-07T03:02:00.000-07:00

http://refinnejam.tumblr.com/

There's something about Blogger that drains me. It's almost as if I'm expected to deliver a full flavoured post each and every time, which is hard when interesting things don't happen everyday.

I'll still post here occassionally if I have a yarn to write about, but I'd advise you to go to my tumblr for regular snippets of things that inspire me.

Mini Travel Blog Series: #4 Around Vietnam

2011-02-07T20:19:00.000-08:00

It's really beautiful here in Nha Trang. I think Nha Trang is my favourite destination out of Vietnam because it has a population of about 1 million and it's a fairly quiet and easy going beach town. Everything is easily accessible. It actually reminds me of Nan in Thailand, only on a larger scale. The weather is really nice here too, but it's a bit too cold in the water to swim.

Kooky Trimmed Trees at Nha Trang

Nha Trang Beach

The experience in Vietnam so far has been pretty good. We get carted around a lot more and the inclusive meals are always at fancy tourist restaurants where we have a set menu. There's a lot of deep fried stuff on the set menu too. Soy E isn't happy about that and said she'll "chuck a tantrum" in order to get local food. Apparently it's all been fixed and we're going to get local Vietnamese food when we reach Dalat tomorrow afternoon. We've also been eating a lot of sea food since we came to Vietnam. Like grilled prawns, deep fried prawns, squid salad, deep fried crabs, etc. It's really nice and I'm not used to eating fresh seafood. The small prawns we ate on the Ha Long Junk were really sweet and crunchy tasting and I was like "I usually hate plain prawns in Canberra because they taste so fishy." Soy E told me that's because they're old and I guess it's because we're 3 hours away from the ocean.

So from the last email I sent you we've done a couple of things. We drove from Hanoi to Halong Bay and got on the Huong Hai junk. The rooms were really nice and the toilet was much cleaner than the ones in the hotel that we had been staying at. The junk was very modern and we were told that it was the "leading lady" of the fleet. You were right about it being very cold in Halong as I was freezing even with my merino shirt and my waterproof jacket. I think the best food we had in Vietnam was on that junk and I don't know what kind of junk Soy Goo went on that made him sea sick because ours was as still as a rock.

Ha Long Junk

The inside of our cabin

The sky was very overcast and gray the entire time we were there and the water was too cold for kayaking. It was pretty relaxing though and I had a really good night's sleep on the boat. The service and food on the boat was excellent and the staff wore these white suit type uniforms and looked very professional. The leading one could speak english really well and they were all really polite and hard working.

Ha Long Bay

Something a bit shifty happened at the end of our stay though. Our tour guide couldn't come on the boat with us because he wasn't associated with the company like the other tour guides who got to stay on the junk. So he organised one of the other guides who was leading his own group of french people to stay with us too. The guy, Kien, never stayed with us and when he did talk to us it was only to repeat the dishes on the menu as they were served. Like "rice, rice", "fish fish", "nice meal, okay?". At the end of our stay there were these tip envelopes and customer feedback slips where Kien came over and told us that the money was for the crew not for him. However, we think he saw Evan put 100,000 dong in the envelope and he came over and stood there in front of us and said "you have to split the tip for me." We were a bit flustered and weren't sure of what he was saying and how to go about it and he took advantage of that by taking the envelope out of our hands and quickly pocketing the 100,000 dong which was in there and leaving the 20,000 I contributed for the entire crew on board. We stood there staring at him and Soy E said "no, we want to give them more." He then reached in to his wallet (which was already full of cash) and pulled out 50,000 dong and put it back in and said "okay, okay?" and then walked off. After that, Soy E couldn't stop thinking about him and how he did "jack shit" for us and how hard working and deserving the crew was. I think his eyes grew bigger when he saw the money and I couldn't believe how greedy he was.

After the cruise on the junk we got back to Hanoi and did our city tour the next day. The major attractions that we wanted to visit were closed though, like the mausoleum where we get to see Ho Chi Minh's body and the museum that displayed information about the 54 different ethnic minorities in Vietnam. Soy E chucked a tantrum at the tour operator and we got the money refunded which we used to tip our tour guide at the end of our stay in Hanoi.

We got to walk around the market district and sit on cyclos for an hour, where we were cycled around the city area slower than walking speed! All our cyclo guys were old men who smoked. Initially, we picked the cyclo to sit in based on whether the old guy was smoking at the time while we were in the process of organising enough for all of us. I thought I picked the best guy out of the bunch until we started cycling and he pulled out this HUGE pipe, as big as a poster holder and lit it while he started pedalling. I exclaimed "what the heck is my guy smoking?!"

My cyclo guy (he had already put away his giant pipe)

It was pretty enjoyable on the cyclo, though I felt very sorry for the old guy who had to cart us around for so long. I tipped mine 40500 dong at the end, I think they were all friends though and shared it amongst themselves evenly which was nice to see.

Cyclos in traffic

We also went to see the water puppet theatre at night which was interesting. The dialogue was in Vietnamese so a lot of the time we weren't too sure what was going on. My favourite parts of the show was the water dragon dance and the end bit when Ho Chi Minh brought wealth to Hanoi by making it the capital. I had no idea that there were so many puppet handlers behind the curtain area and that they had to stay hip deep in the water the entire time and I had a new appreciation for their art.

From Hanoi we drove to Nha Trang which is, like I mentioned before, a beautiful city. Although, it is sad to see so much construction going on in terms of new fancy hotels and resorts all around the bay area. Our guide said that Nha Trang was really only put on the map as a tourist attraction after the Miss Universe 2008 competition was held there. In Nha Trang is where we've done the majority of walking. There's a long path and park area alongside the beach that makes walking really relaxing and nice and there are a lot of young locals playing volleyball and soccer on the sand. A lot of people walk around, jog, or sit with their families on the park benches too. It's a really nice place and I wouldn't mind living here at all.

Yesterday we went on a boat ride with other groups on a large local boat that had many seats in the middle facing one direction and some benches on the side. It was literally jam packed with people and it was kinda hard to find seats. We had the option of going alone or with others and I pushed for others even though we don't get a private boat and a restaurant meal. When we went with the other groups it was like a huge communal experience. For example, when we had lunch all the chair backs folded downwards and became a large table where we all sat around and shared food. After lunch, it was then converted to a stage where the captain and some crew members played music with their makeshift band. One was on the drums which was just like a professional set... only it the drums were empty oil cans and the symbols were scrap metal sheets. They sang traditional Vietnamese songs and then asked people from the audience to come up and sing their national songs. Like for Australia it was Waltzing Matilda, for China it was Liang Shi Lou Hou (the lion song I learnt in Mandarin school) and so on. They didn't do one for New Zealand when there was a NZ couple there because they said it was "same same but different" to Australia.

When we stopped to do some swimming, I went and swam with Chloe even though the water was freezing cold. We shivered while we swam and her face turned blue. We saw some little blond kids in the water and I went up to them and asked "are you cold?" The kids were maybe 3 and 6 years old, and the boy answered "no we are from Sweden! It is under 20 degrees there!" They were very cute and I admired how they just sat in the cold water feeling fine.

In terms of health, it seems that Evan caught the flu off Nethan and last night Chloe got the flu off Evan. So we have two sick people with us. Nethan is doing much better and they're all taking antibiotics. Soy E is waiting for the disease to strike her, and for some reason I still have diarrhea. I got it when we were travelling from Ha Long to Hanoi and have had it since. I'm still eating solid food though and I feel fine. I'm just waiting for it to pass, which I hope it will do soon.

Anyway, hopefully I'll get the chance to write more when we get to Dalat tomorrow.

Mini Travel Blog Series: #3 Around Cambodia

2011-02-07T20:17:00.002-08:00

Sorry for not replying in so long, the travelling has been quite hectic and I've had little time to just sit down and go on a computer! We've been driving a lot and especially the drive from Koh Kong to Sihanoukville which took 11 hours and was quite draining. We usually get up at 7am in the morning, have breakfast at the hotel and then go in the van to do a full day of travelling to the attractions. We come back at dinner time, so around 6pm, find something to eat at a restaurant or along the street and then retire to our hotels to shower and sleep. So that is why I haven't been on the computer for so long!

Right now I'm with Srey Moch in Phnom Penh and she's letting me use her laptop to type. Anyway, how has everything been? As for me, I've gotten much better since my food poisoning and I haven't gotten any other tummy problems since. I still have a cold though and it's been going on for around 10 days! It's one of the longest colds I've ever had. Right now I have a blocked nose, phlegm and a chesty cough, but I think it is ending soon and I'm just letting it run it's course.

Since the last email I've sent you, we've done a lot of things. We went to Siem Reap to see Angkor Wat and Ta Phrom. We had a tour guide and it was really good because he told us all about the carvings and the beliefs. We found a dinosaur carving (stegosaurus) on the wall at Ta Phrom and it was really interesting because way back then they knew of the existence of dinosaurs and what they looked like. People still don't know how they knew, whether it was their imagination or whether they somehow were able to see what dinosaurs looked like. I took a picture of it!

Angkor Wat has changed since the last time I visited. I remember when I climbed it I got to climb the temple staircase. It's very strange to see that they've cut off access to the staircases now and have built a new and safer one. The tour guide said that pretty soon they will put glass up in front of the walls so that you won't be able to touch it anymore in order to preserve the carvings. I think it will be sad when that happens because you won't get to fully experience what the temple was like first hand, so I'm lucky to have seen it before they put all the intrusive displays over them.

Another interesting thing the tour guide said was that at the top of Angkor Wat is Nirvana where nothing exists and nirvana = zero. No hunger, no human needs, just zero. I never knew that before and learning about it really opens my eyes up to the culture. The tour guide's story was quite sad too, we get to meet a lot of interesting people here. He said that he was an orphan and he lived with his distant relatives but then ran away to live with the monks because they weren't caring for him properly. He then became a real estate agent, but when the market plummeted, he became a tour guide.

After Siem Reap we went to Koh Kong and swam at the beach. Srey Moch also took me to see Grandma's sister and all of our uncles and aunts. Grandma's sister really likes to take photos, so I have some photos with her and the others. After Koh Kong, we drove to Sihanoukville and went on the Sun Tour boat which was really nice. It included snorkelling, swimming on a white sandy beach and a tasty lunch on the boat. The trip went from 10am - 5:30pm, and we went on it twice because the boat goes on two different routes. We ate seafood along the beach too, it was grilled very well and it was really tasty. I was initially very scared to eat any seafood because I didn't want to get food poisoning, but I figured since I was there I should eat the seafood because it's so fresh. I got grilled king prawns and potatoes for $5. They gave me 7 prawns and 3 potatoes, it was really tasty and the most expensive meal I've had so far.

On the Sun Tour boat

Koh Kong Ocean

Siem Reap and Sihanoukville have changed a lot and I'm really surprised. They are more tailored towards foreigners and a lot of people learn to speak english from the foreigners on the beach. I hope that those two places won't turn into a tourist haven though, because it's sad to see the Khmer places be turned into an unknown place. As the tour guide said "Siem Reap doesn't even look like Cambodia anymore."

After Sihanoukville we came back to Phnom Penh and stayed at Soy Goos house. He lives near a house that has two very cute puppies and I took Chloe to go and see them and she became obsessed with playing with them. I was too before I saw them eat their own poo, then I didn't want to touch them anymore. Soy Goo's house is very big, even bigger than Ye Goo's house. It surprised me to see that Ye Goo doesn't have any pictures inside his house or room of his sons. I wonder why. When we visited his house he wasn't there, Soy Goo said he was still in Koh Kong doing business. He seems like a very busy man and I had no idea about how many important people he's met. He has pictures up in his house of him and Al Gore shaking hands. I also didn't know that he had a bachelor's in Law and Science, and a masters in Law either!

One of the puppies

Anyway, Soy Goo's house is very big, it's around 4 storeys high and it's very spatious. We slept there overnight but he has no aircon and the room I stayed in had no fan either. I was plagued by mosquitoes and the heat. I stayed underneath the blankets to prevent the mosquitoes from biting me, but they still got me on the face and I became very sweaty. I could also hear them flying in my ears which prevented me from sleeping properly. I slept in the same bed as Nethan and the same thing happened to him. Soy E came in the middle of the night with aerosol and scared me because I was half awake and saw a dark figure standing above me. I flinched and it scared her too and woke Nethan up, it was pretty funny. I didn't have a very good nights sleep there, but I do think his house is very nice.

I slept for one night at Soy Goo's house and then I took a bus with Srey Moch to Kratie and stayed there overnight. Soy E didn't want to go because the trip was too long and she just wanted to sit in the house and relax, and so nobody else wanted to go, but I still did. So I told Srey Moch that I was the only one who wanted to go but I'm not sure if I can do it alone, and she offered to leave work to come with me which was really nice.

Kratie Marketplace

We went to see the dolphin's and to see where mum used to live. The new owners lied to us though, and said that it wasn't the house, so we were lost for around 2-3 hours walking around asking where it was and nobody knew. That was, until we asked the people next door to the house who said that it was the house that once belonged to O Dee. We then asked the new owners of the house again and they denied it. I think they were scared that I would take the house from them or something, I don't know.

Dolphin fin

I think when I get back I want to learn Khmer because I feel kind of ashamed being gown khmai but not being able to speak very much. A lot of foreigners here can speak more than me!

Another thing I experienced when being here is a lot of poverty, sadness and corruption. In Siem Reap we found a massage place in the market that blind people worked at. The blind people were trained for 6 months before they could work and their boss was very stingy and mean to them. She was only interested in money. I got to know the person who massaged me, she was only 16 and she was very nice. I gave her a 10,000 reol tip to her and the person who did Srey Moch. When the owner saw she yelled at them and said, ÿou don't deserve the money, you should give it to me so I can pay for the fan, see the fan here it's working here to cool everyone and I need the money for that. I felt very sad then and I wanted to push the boss over or something, she was very very mean and it was like she was running a slave camp. I feel like helping people out more and I feel sad seeing so much hardship.

There was an old couple who lived on the corner of our hotel in Phnom Penh when we first arrived. I think they were squatters and they had a young child to take care of who had no clothes. I felt really sorry for them, and so did Soy E. So I took a whole bag of fruit to them, a bunch of cooked bananas imported from Vietnam, and a branch of mandarins for them to eat. The bag was very heavy and had a lot of fruit in it. I carried it to them and also gave them 10,000 reol. They were very happy and thankful and Nethan and I felt very good afterwards. Whenever I use any service where the people were really nice or when we learnt about their stories, I give them a tip or try to take them with us to experience the attraction too or take them some place to eat with us. Everyone around here tells me that jobs are really hard to find in Cambodia. I wish the Government could do more to provide more people with jobs. When I see people working so hard I really want to help, but I feel like it's a much bigger problem and my donation can only help for a few days.

Anyway, this is a long enough email! I will write more when I arrive in Vietnam :) Oh, another thing! My shoes have fallen apart, like there are separate rubber bits that are stuck with glue to make the funky pattern. Those have all peeled off, so much for good quality shoes!

Mini Travel Blog Series: #2 Food Poisoning & Historical Landmarks

2011-02-07T20:17:00.001-08:00

Last time you emailed I wasn't able to respond whole heartedly because I've been sick with food poisoning. We think it's a meatball that I ate in the pho that made me sick, but we're not sure. Since I'm the only one who got sick though, it seems that would be most likely since we all eat the same thing apart from that one time where I chose to eat meatballs. Anyway, I was sick for around 3 days and had to take the antibiotics that soy E brought for us. I've taken 4 so far and I'm not sure if I should take the last two, since now instead of nausea and diarrhea all night, I have constipation (haven't pooed for around 3 days) and a pretty bad cold. I know, bad luck right? Due to being so sick I haven't felt like doing anything and have been staying in the hotel room under a hot shower for an hour at a time to get rid of the nausea, and then running to the toilet to get rid of the diarrhea.

Just before I got sick and just after I got sick though, we got to do a lot of things. After the last email, Hanh took Nethan and I to go shopping at what is known as the expensive shop that only rich people go to or foreigners. It's called Export and sells like Tommy Hilfiger, Replay, Gortex, Adidas, and other American branded clothing. It is genuine clothing I believe because it's really good quality, but the shirts and stuff sell for quite cheap like $11-$15USD. The Goretex I saw sold for $90 and it looked like the real thing.

Hanh also took us to get a traditional Khmer massage which kinda hurt. They were pretty hard on kneading my calves and they stretched our backs, kneaded our hands and smacked our behinds with their fists. It was a good experience though and afterwards we got to drink ginger tea and eat some freshly cooked sweets.

Hanh also took us to take professional photographs at the same place you took them a few years ago. We opted for normal photographs and Chloe took the Japanese, Thai, and Khmer ones. You'll get to see them later, we're getting them printed in a nice book. The photos costed Hanh $1,700 for 6 albums (Nethan, Soy E and I x2, Chloe, Lachlan, Lincoln) and some large prints of Lachlan and Lincoln. The makeup artist shaved my eyebrows off without asking so now I have half eyebrows. I kind of wish I hadn't gone because I think a lot of the pictures look terrible and I would still have my eyebrows! They put way too much makeup on and Soy E agrees that we look terrible.

Hanh also took us to a few restaurants to eat which costed like $60. But I think the street food tastes much better is and is much cheaper! When we're not with Hanh (which is most of the time since Hanh seems to wake up very late!) we're with Soy Goo or just doing touristy stuff. We went to Tuol Sleng and the Killing Fields and Tuol Sleng especially really unsettled me. I took a lot of pictures of Tuol Sleng, and I took pictures of the clothes that you wore during the Khmer Rouge at the museum place at the Killing Fields for your book.

Tuol Sleng Museum:

Rules under the Khmer Rouge.

Walls of faces. The"prisoners" (intellectuals and ethnic Chinese) who were tortured and killed in Tuol Sleng during the Pol Pot regime.

Narrow, dark stalls where prisoners were shackled.

A former classroom turned into a torture chamber. Iron beds with no mattresses, ankle shackles and an artillary box (used as a toilet) were kept in the room.

Prisoner number 62.

Barbed wire surrounding the complex. Used to prevent prisoners from committing suicide.

Cheung Uek - The Killing Fields:

Shelves upon shelves of skulls of the deceased prisoners. Again, intellectuals, ethnic Chinese, or individuals deemed to be anti-Khmer Rouge.

The uniform required to be worn under the Khmer Rouge regime.

The Killing Tree, by which prisoner's infants heads are smashed against the trunk. Speakers hang from the branches of the tree playing loud music to cover the screams.

Some of the uncovered mass graves, where hundreds of bodies were dumped ontop of each other.

The newly built monument that houses the skulls of the deceased.

Nethan and I went with my cousin Srey Moch to Pursat yesterday and got to meet the family again. It was really nice to see them again, I wish we could've stayed longer. But we weren't able to because Soy E needed us back before 5pm so I could do my Vietnamese Visa. The Tour agency still has our passports in Phnom Penh. We're in Siem Reap now. Anyway, now I'm much more cautious of what I eat and stick to what I know that won't make me sick. I'll upload some pictures tonight to email onto Srey Moch's laptop for you to see. I'll think of more to email tomorrow!

Mini Travel Blog Series: #1 First Few Days in Cambodia

2011-02-07T20:09:00.000-08:00

I thought it'd be interesting to post the emails I've been sending back home while I was overseas in Cambodia and Vietnam. It saves me the trouble of having to recall the extensive amount of things I did. I hope they prove interesting and enjoyable to read :)

---

Sorry for the long wait! I wasn't able to find the time to get on the internet since we've been pretty busy here already. Yesterday we got picked up by Hanh (aunt-in-law) and her little sister Pov. My cousins Srey Moch and Ne also came for me. We all went together to the hotel and Soy E (youngest Aunt), Evan (her Aussie spouse) and Chloe (my eurasian cousin) went to shower and sleep.

Nethan (cousin) and I showered and then went out at 7:30pm (11:30pm Aus) with Pov, her friend, Srey Moch, Ne and Sydana (Cambodian cousin) to look around the city since we wanted to battle the jet lag. We ended up driving around Phnom Penh and finding a place to eat at a really new restaurant type of place, where we got to eat some spicy lemon grass broth with shell fish. We didn't get sick at all, but were very cautious. Pov then drove us to see the bridge where the trampede happened and we had a really good night. We came back to the hotel at around 10:30pm and woke up the next morning at 5:30am. Things were pretty slow in the morning and things seem to get busier in the afternoon - late at night.

Cambodia is much more modern now and safer. There are a lot of professional looking shops and franchises along Tonle Sap. The temperature has been very good too, nice and cool (which wasn't expected). Today we had Lote Cha for breakfast at a small stall near Tsar Olympic 5 minutes away from our hotel.

The people at the stall laughed at us and stared at Chloe! A lot of people comment on how pretty she is as we pass them. We didn't walk around for very long, maybe an hour and a half. Soy E seems to be very stressed out and afraid of the traffic conditions. Every time we cross the road she's like "shit man!" The rest of us are pretty "chill" and level headed, which balances it all out.

I've been taking a lot of pictures with my camera. I take them when people aren't looking, so they're very natural feeling and full of emotion! I'll upload them when I have time.

Hanh's mum called us after we had breakfast at around 8am and wanted us to come to her house for some kind of ceremony they were holding for Hanh's changing of name. We were pressured to go since she sent a car to come for us an we ended up staying there for around an hour or so. Basically a whole bunch of people were praying and "farting around" while we were upstairs in Hanh's room waiting for the kids to get ready. We arranged a rescue plan with Soy Goo (youngest uncle) beforehand to come in a Tuk Tuk and take us and the boys (his sons) to see the Palace (which he hasn't seen) in prepartion for the ordeal. At Hanh's we basically just sat in her room waiting which was pretty boring for all of us. We got to try some dragon fruit that her servants chopped up for us and saw her extensive collection of Louis Vuitton handbags and shoes.

My Soy E (little aunty) riding in the Tuk Tuk

Aunt-in-law (Hanh) planning her ceremony

The name changing ceremony

The food prepared for the "spirits"

The palace wasn't that great and neither was Wat Phnom (a temple). It seems like the attractions in Cambodia are really shoddy and not genuine. I got chased by one of the ticket attendants at Wat Phnom. When I followed Soy E through, the attendant yelled out to Soy E, "that person doesn't look Khmer!" Soy E replied "we're all Khmer." The attendant then followed me angrily saying, "you pay one dollar, one dollar!" I just turned to her and said, "gown Khmer!" (Cambodian child). She then apologised and asked Soy E if we all speak Khmer, with Soy E saying yes angrily. She then turned away and walked back to her chair.

Monkeys at Wat Phnom (they yelled at me for standing on the grass)

Trinket in Wat Phnom

Inside Wat Phnom

Nethan ran into some trouble at the Palace with the ticket people. I almost did too when they didn't believe that I was Khmer. They asked me where I lived and I was about to say Australia in Khmer, but then Soy Goo and Soy E were like Tutumpong (can't spell this city!), and I just walked really fast through. They were a bit unhappy though, saying "it's not right/fair that non-locals get in with local fees". When they spoke Khmer to Nethan he had no idea what they were saying and it showed on his face. They demanded that he go back and get a foreigner priced ticket, which was around $4?

Lachlan & Lincoln ("the boys") climbing on a lion statue in the palace

Anyway, we all agree that the palace in Thailand is much nicer.

On a similar note, Soy E also had trouble getting the K visas at the airport. They were basically farting around and pushing her to give them money for them to complete the visas. They also didn't believe that Chloe or Nethan were Khmer and were reluctant to give them the K-visa since they couldn't speak Khmer.

Anyway, Nethan and I are planning to go out later tonight with Hanh and maybe Pov after they've had dinner since we can't go to bed at 8pm like Chloe, Evan and Soy E. We're all doing well and having a good time. None of us has gotten food poisoning or sore throats. There is an abundance of Strepsil lozengers being sold at the pharmacies here anyway, so we didn't need to bring any over. They are good quality too! Basically you can buy everything here now and it's really good, sourced from places like Korea and Thailand.

Your space to breathe

2011-01-29T16:48:00.000-08:00

This is mine

There's something magical about fireworks

2011-01-29T15:59:00.001-08:00

I spent my Australia day (more like night?) down by lake Burley Griffin awaiting the firework celebration. I was feeling a bit down that day and thought "eh, it won't hurt to see them." Though... I was very close to staying home and skipping the show in favour of playing Fable the Lost Chapters. I don't remember the last time I went to see fireworks, but I know I wasn't expecting much. This probably sounds very silly, but once I saw the sky light up I felt... happy? Very happy in fact. Standing there with hundreds of other people in the cool night air, with our faces all turned towards the sky... It was a magical, communal experience. All my worries melted away and turned into fuzzy warm feelings. I felt like I was alive.
I've learnt my lesson... Next time a firework show is on, I'll be more than eager to go :)

Here are a few pictures I shot with my new Canon EOS 550D

And here's a short video I shot of the fireworks in action:

On an unrelated note, I've been humming a song that's been stuck in my head for a few weeks now. Joshua Radin - Sky. I think that's my favourite song at the moment. "Open my eyes, I see sky, oh oh".

When I was nine...

2010-10-31T05:12:00.000-07:00

Bullyingbullyingbullyingbullyingbullying.

For those who were lucky enough to escape being bullied when you were younger, I'm grateful it didn't happen to you. For those who were bullies when you were younger, I hope you've reconciled with those you targeted. For those who are at this very moment being bullied, I hope you realise that you are not alone.

---

Bullying cannot be quantified. Don't let anyone undermine your experience with bullies. I consider bullying to be any form of intended harm towards another. I don't differentiate between overt and covert forms (in terms of one being more serious than the other) because I feel that they are equally damaging to the individual. Even transient instances of meanness, I would consider to be bullying. For instance, when I was in primary school in year 4, there was a girl with red hair who seemed to dislike me for no apparent reason. There were two instances of "transient meanness." Firstly, when I was following her out of the girls bathroom, she intentionally pushed the heavy door closed into my face even though she was aware that I was following her out. Secondly, when she invited all the girls in my friend group to her birthday party, including my best friend, handing the invitations out to them in front of me, and then telling me I wasn't invited. This to me, is a form of bullying. I say this because I remember when I told a close friend of mine about my experiences with bullying. They had been there at the same time, in the same place, but had 'witnessed' a completely different thing. They denied the very existence of bullying in my past, and this upset me to an incredible extent. I had been living with it for the past 5 years, and it was my daily horror. Yet they claimed "it didn't happen." To isolate someone, and to undermine their worth is a very damaging thing, and it was a very real experience that occurred during the later years of primary school and the early years of high school.

---

When I was 9 years old I made a promise to myself that I would become the next Prime Minister of Australia. To me, being the Prime Minister was the height of excellence, the top of the top. What was my motivation for being the Prime Minister? It was the fact that I was being bullied. I remember walking to the bike locks after school, when everyone had left, and reciting in my mind: "I'll show them, I'll become the Prime Minister of Australia and kick them out of the country. I may be the underdog now, but I know I will make something of myself in the future." I lived by this mantra on a day-to-day basis, until the day came when the bullying ceased.

---

What was this bullying I speak of? As I said before, I don't feel it's right to judge someones experience of bullying as "not serious enough." The following instances may not seem that detrimental or "dangerous" - but they were to me, emotionally. When I used to recollect them, my eyes would well up with tears and my heart felt like it was being crushed by a heavy weight. Fortunately, the trauma I experienced has healed over time, and I am able to address these instances without becoming emotional. I suppose the stress of it all has been blocked out for my wellbeing. Anyway, I wasn't the most sociable or physically attractive girl in primary school, and the bullying only started when those kind of things became important (due to sexual maturity approaching). It's probably hard to believe, but even as early as kindergarten, girls become enamoured with the notion of having a boyfriend, and many games of "married life" and "family" are played out. In years 4-6, being pretty was an asset. It meant that boys would be nice to you because they "liked you", it meant that you were popular and in general treated better. Unfortunately for me, I was a minority at my school, one of only a few (perhaps 3) asians. I was a bit chubby (most probably due to the large meals my parents fed me and the inability of me to stop eating when I'm full so that I don't waste food) and larger than most of the girls there in mass and frame. Because I was asian, I was "cursed" with black hair, meaning that the hair on my arms, legs, and upper lip was very apparent. I also had untamed eyebrows that seemed to grow into a slight monobrow. All of these factors contributed to the "fat asian" and "you're an ugly man" comments that would pop out of my peers' mouths. The latter was most common, which at the time I found to be extremely upsetting and offensive. What upset me the most was that I had done nothing to anyone, I always kept to myself and worked hard at school. I was always nice to people, and when I felt like they had accepted me, they would "betray" me by turning on me, and ridiculing my appearance. Because of this, I grew to hate myself. I fell into despair and became extremely self-conscious. I never knew when someone would say something about my abundance of "arm hairs" or my "hairy legs", or "moustache." I took to scrutinising myself in mirrors, attempting to pull out hairs with my fingers. I managed to find my mum's razor and took to shaving my face, arms, and legs. I remember she found me in the bathroom shaving my upper lip and told me that it wasn't a good idea since girls don't shave that area. She helped me wax all of these areas instead, however, I don't think she knew why I was so intent on removing these naturally occuring things - I was a mere child. I was also "cursed" with Keratosis Pilaris, otherwise known as "chicken skin," which afflicted me on the sides of my cheeks, upper arms and upper thighs. I felt like my body was messy, and unclean all the time. I literally picked myself apart, opting to get rid of the KP on my upper arms by picking away the skin and leaving small slightly bloodied holes where the KP had been. I longingly just wished to be normal looking. I felt inadequate, ugly, and repulsive. The bad thing about all this was that nobody knew. Nobody ever knew about this internal struggle I had. I felt helpless, and hopeless. You couldn't tell the teacher, they wouldn't understand. Their way of "dealing with the issue" was to tell the individual student off, who would then concentrate harder at making your life worse. You couldn't tell your parents, because they would give you advice that doesn't apply in these situations, because they've forgotten what it's like to be a child (i.e. "just ignore them, or tell them to stop"). You couldn't tell your friends, because they would most likely not intervene in fear of becoming a target themselves. This is what life was like.

---

I was starting my first year of highschool, and year 7 was a big time for me. It symbolised a transition from being a child to officially becoming a teenager. I looked forward to getting up every morning, organising my bag and dressing in my smart attire - a white button up shirt, black pants and my hair tied in a pony tail. I was extremely excited to learn, to be independent and excel at my classes. I joined the school band and was assigned an alto saxophone, a step up from the clarinet that I had been playing in primary school. I remember walking home after a fulfilling day at school. I bid goodbye to my new found friends and carried my big black saxophone case down a small hill underneath the school. I was just about to cross under an underpass when two "popular" boys yelled "HI" to grab my attention and commenced to wave. One of them had been a "popular" boy from my primary school, and I thought they were genuinely being friendly. So I looked up at them with a smile and waved. They then leaned over the edge and spat at me. I felt so betrayed and helpless. I had done nothing to these people, I had done no wrong to anyone, and yet they targeted me. They laughed as I walked on and on until I reached home. I remember putting my bag and saxophone down and heading over to my desk to find a notebook. I was devastated. My face was hot from the embarrassment and my eyes were sore from the crying. My nose was completely blocked and a combination of fat tears and runny snot ran down my face and splattered the page I was working on. I don't know why, but I was intent on drawing a recollection of that event. However, in place of the "real me," I drew a more attractive face, and beside the entire picture I wrote "why can't I be beautiful?" Somehow I thought all my problems would be solved if I were like the pretty girls at school, or the pretty girls on the television and in magazines. I turned to magazines for guidance. They fed me with false promises, advertisements of beauty products with beautiful faces plastered beside them. My impressionable mind believed that if I purchased the particular product, I would look just like that beautiful smiling girl on the page. And so I used my purchasing power, raiding Priceline for the catalouged items, abusing my hard earned reward money from my dad for getting good grades. I was trying to buy my happiness, I was trying to buy beauty - but not for beauty's sake, it was all so I could fit in, so I would stop being called a "man", and so I could prevent others from finding something mean to say.

---

The last example I'm going to talk about is by no means the end point of the bullying. This had been an ongoing thing until year 8-9, when puberty hit me like a wall of bricks and changed my entire physical appearance. Anyway, I wanted to include this instance as an example of the pure helplessness one can feel when being bullied, and the inaction of others around you who see it happening, but do nothing to stop it.
I was sitting in english class and we were all privileged with the opportunity to watch a movie that loosely touched on some themes we were studying, rather than do actual work. There was an excited feel in the air as we all grabbed our chairs and stationed them around the small television set next to our friends. I remember the "popular" girls sat with each other on a table, while the rest of us sat on chairs. As I was watching the movie, I felt a small painful peck on my neck, then on my back, and on the back of my head. The "popular" boys were sitting on the left hand side of the room with the back of their chairs leaning against the wall in a "cool" manner. They had been picking up pistachio shells from the floor and balls of blue tac, and were throwing them at me and snickering. The room was quite dark, and the teacher walked in and out of the room, only briefly staying inside. I was the only one they were targeting. My friends were sitting beside me but said and did nothing. I tried to shrug it off and ignore it, but they kept on throwing things at me. When anyone looked their way they would pretend to watch the movie. The popular girls on the table took notice, and one piped up and said "don't, that's tight (slang for mean)" in a soft manner, but they contined, and she stopped standing up for me. I just gritted my teeth and repeated my mantra in my mind. "These people are going to amount to nothing. If we have a reunion, they are going to be losers, and I'll be successful. Then they'll get what's coming to them." I was so relieved when the lights were finally switched on, and I was no longer the silent sufferer. I could move on with my friends and leave them behind for a few hours, until I saw them again in another class. I could only hope that they wouldn't antagonise me again on that next meeting.

---

To finish off, I just want to say that I've learnt a lot of valuable lessons. The main one being that bullying doesn't last forever - simply because highschool doesn't last forever. That small sphere that becomes your entire world completely bursts once you leave. There is no more oppression, and no more peer pressure. You will rarely see the people who you once tried so hard to fit in with. I've escaped from this sphere and I'm happy now. I'm surrounded by like-minded people who I choose to be around. If bullying were to occur again, I have the choice and the strength to leave the situation and discard the people forever. I am more than what they make of me, I have my eyes set on bigger and better things - I only need to focus on myself, and to work hard toward the goals I want to achieve. There is a happy ending to the bullying, and you just need to find your inner strength to stay above water - and to realise that you will achieve greater things.

---

A strange thing happened the other day. I met one of my bullies from highschool at my front door. It had been 4 years since I had last seen him, and he was knocking on my door to notify me "the resident of the house" that the water was going to be turned off for 10 minutes for building purposes. There was a strange moment of recognition, which neither of us would admit to. I thanked him for the notification, and shut the door. He left, and I doubt I will ever see him again. I guess he became a plumber, and I, a University student studying the very thing I had always said I would become in the future.

Jaw

2010-10-23T21:36:00.000-07:00

Bweh. I've been feeling really unmotivated recently. The kind of mind set where you just let things completely go and shield yourself from the consequences by procrastinating...

However, a recent run in with a Nikon D90 has left me with a need to capture, capture, and capture! My mum has a Canon Powershot A610, which is great and what I use to take my blog photos, however, I really want a DSLR to call my own. I'm tossing up between a Canon T1i and Nikon D90. The comparison reviews that I've read so far make me lean towards the Nikon D90 though.

On a side note, this is an x-ray (OPG) of my jaw. My open bite (when the back teeth touch, but the front don't) is really distinct here. I've been wearing braces for around 2 years to reposition my teeth for jaw surgery. I fiddled around with openCanvas 4.5 e to make the x-ray "pop." This is what it looked like before I edited it:

Somehow I have this feeling that if I had a DSLR I wouldn't have to edit at all! I also have a feeling that jaw surgery is going to be a terrible experience.

P.S. I apologise for the lack of weekly photo posts, but Uni has been very busy and I've been very lazy =.=

Bigger than you and I

2010-09-03T23:59:00.000-07:00

It has been a long week.

I had been experiencing the usual PREMENSTRUAL symptoms, like cramps, hot flushes, nausea, and heightened emotional sensitivity for the past couple of days.

On Thursday I was notified that somebody had referred to a formal picture of me (I was actually at a formal), and asked "who's that fat chick?" Obviously, I'm not friends with such a DICK, and I know he was just being a DICK, but due to my sensitive nature at the time, I couldn't help but feel extremely sad.

On Friday I went to visit my friend at her dorm in the afternoon. We ate dessert and drank chai lattes, and I found out that she had been hit by a car earlier in the week (which explained her absence from class). We cheerfully spoke about music for most of the time.

When I returned home I was told that a close friend (more like a relative), had gotten into an accident. My mother and I went to visit him at the emergency ward. Previous to this, I was oblivious to any sort of worry. Everything I had been thinking prior was highly superficial and selfish. For instance, what I was going to eat when I got home, what time I was going to shower, etc.

My mindset suddenly switched to one of panic and worry. I drove shakily and clumsily (driving a manual) to the hospital while my mum navigated. We spoke loudly and negatively about people we knew who were acting stupid and small minded. I think this was therapeutic as we both have awkward ways of dealing with trauma.

When we reached reception, I noticed that the staff were extremely complacent and disinterested. We wanted to see our loved one, we rushed all the way to be by their side, and these non-caring people were ignoring us. Eventually we were directed rudely by one of the staff to go to the emergency reception.

At the emergency reception we queued up for around 10 minutes before we were served. The lady serving us was in her late thirties, and you could just tell she wasn't very educated and was probably living on minimum wage. She spoke in a bogan-like accent and seemed to have a superiority complex involving the importance of her job, i.e. we had to wait to be served by her and she could take all the time in the world to do so. I noticed a sign stuck to the wall of the reception desk that said something along the lines of "we have the right to call security if you become agressive or violent towards us," and "don't get abuse us! We're only trying ot help you." I felt that this could not be further from the truth.
Eventually she looked at my mum and started asking her really stupid procedural questions. Like "does your patient live at 123 George Drive, Fenner, is his full name Ignatious Seralus," of which my mum merely had to say "yes, yes, and yes" until she seemed satisfied that we were genuine visitors.

When we reached the emergency bed where he lay, I felt both angry and sad. I think I was in a state of shock because I seemed to see sick and injured people everywhere, something I wasn't exposed to in everyday life. This, juxta posed with the carefree nature of the staff made me feel uneasy. I was kind of thinking "what kind of sick, unnatural place is this?" This lack of urgency, combined with how unorganised the staff were made me very angry. For instance, they would just leave patients mid-treatment to make phone calls, or to find bandages and then get sidetracked with other nurses discussing very trivial things. I do understand that their job is an extremely difficult and emotionally tolling, but to me there's no excuse for not acting promptly, efficiently, and to the best of your ability. I couldn't believe that it took the nurses 5 hours to eventually clean the blood from the deep lacerations in his head and his face. I couldn't believe that when the nurse did eventually come, she didn't have time to finish her job, and I couldn't believe that when she told other nurses to finish the job, they never came.

Regardless of all this, I sat quietly and patiently in the chair next to the bed. My knees constantly felt like they were tingling and were going to buckle at any second. I had to stop myself from thinking too much about how faint I felt, because I was afraid if I focused too much on it, I would end up unintentionally willing myself to faint.

After 4 hours of waiting by the bedside for something to happen, the shock of the hospital began to wear off. The white walls, the lack of clocks, and the privacy curtains enclosed me into a capsule that made me lose track of time and the outside world.

Sometimes hospitals make me want to cry.

Giant Stalks

2010-08-24T21:09:00.000-07:00

I was riding to the Pauline Griffith building at ANU and noticed these GIANT stalks of purple flowers. It seemed like they sprouted out of nowhere and I again, similar to the baby grass story, had no idea how long they were there for even though I pass by this area regularly! They were the most beautiful vivid purple colour (the pictures don't do them justice) and extremely tall (over 160cm? - my height). I thought I might take a picture of them because they were such an unexpected surprise.

It's always nice to see evidence of Spring creeping up.

Baby Grass

2010-08-24T20:44:00.001-07:00

This here is a lush, soft and delicate patch of baby grass! I noticed it one chilly morning as I was riding my bicycle. I realised that the last time I had taken a good look at the area was when there was a building site plonked straight on top of it. Basically, all the existing grass had been removed and all that was left was an extremely muddy and bare looking plot. After a rainwater removal system had been constructed, the builders then planted grass seeds in the dirt and covered the area with dry straw. Residues of this straw can still be seen in the picture below. The simple and humbling presence of baby grass struck a chord in me. It had taken me over a month to notice that there was new life emerging right underneath my eyes. I realised that I had been blind to the macro-scaled movements of life around me. Seeing the baby grass made me feel like I was apart of something bigger. It had momentarily stripped away the walls that had been confining me to an insular life. I think I should seek out more of these moments.

Note: Sorry for being AFK, my mum took the camera with her on a week long ski trip and I missed so many good opportunities for photo taking! Like grabbing pictures of the new baby ducks walking around campus :(
I'll make up for it with two posts in a row :3

II: The Blue at the End of the Concrete Jungle

2010-08-05T05:17:00.000-07:00

A play off "the light at the end of the tunnel" and hopefully you can see why I used the phrase!

I was strolling through the city quite hurriedly to accompany a friend to her lecture theatre with 5 minutes to spare. We came upon an alley way that I had never traversed before. It was overshadowed by tall buildings on either side and completely devoid of human movement. There was a large wall to my left covered with graffiti art. The scene depicted a giant predatorial spider roaming across barren land. It reminded me of those "predators in space" movies where humans would get attacked by alien monsters on the polar, unwelcoming landscape of the alien planet. This only exacerbated my feelings of unease as we made our way along the path. Once we had reached what marked the end of the tall buildings I came across a beautiful sight!
Planted smack-bang right in front of me was a very simple building underneath a rich blue sky. Looking at the two together gave me this wondrous feeling of freedom. I felt completely at ease and compelled to look at the scene before me. It was one of those sights that made you sigh. I liken this to how it feels when you're near the ocean and take your first deep breath of cool air. The air acts to revive you, rushing through your system and awakening your senses. You feel cool, clean and refreshed. It is amazing to have achieved this same feeling merely by laying my eyes upon the scene. Even now, merely reflecting back on the moment makes my heart palpitate and my lungs expand in anticipation of the reviving air.
Ah! This was the most memorable moment of my day!

Take note of the building on the right, do the horizontal bars seem curved to you?

The Unofficial Day One

2010-08-03T04:04:00.000-07:00

It was a dreary and chilly afternoon as I was making my way around campus. I had no prospects of the weather getting any better. The sky had been a stark whitish grey for the entirety of the day and it seemed that every object under the sky was washed over by the same characteristic blandness. I was shuffling along avoiding puddles and moist plots of dirt when I noticed a sudden change. Seconds later peeking through the mass of grey came the sun! Who could ever think that such a drastic change in the atmosphere could occur in a matter of seconds? Warmth enveloped and invaded my surroundings. It was as if the sun had reached out and bathed everything with light, colour and life. I quickly took the opportunity to capture this moment and shuffled along a somewhat high and narrow wall in order to obtain the best possible view of the scene. I had difficulties procuring the perfect picture; the one that best represented the simple beauty that lay before me. The main problem was that once I had reached for my camera, the sun would retreat, no doubt covered by giant mass of grey again. For the following minutes I waited, patient with the process as I knew that this was the single most salient and simplest beauty seen today. The sun did not disappoint, it reemerged once again and the second picture is the product of my patience.

Note: Due to problems with uploading my photos onto my laptop I wasn't able to post on the "official" day one. This was a bit disheartening as it made me appear contrary to my word!
I have also realised that one photo per day causes me to seek out and make a somewhat forceful effort to obtain a picture by the end of the day. For example, tonight I spent 30 minutes after my lecture trying to take a picture of 1) 'naked' trees behaving much like silhouettes amidst a rich dark blue sky with purple undertones and 2) a bright star residing above a smooth white barked tree which had a strange shape. This was of particular interest as the sky was half filled at the bottom with purple-grey clouds that acted more like smog, with the top half of the sky completely clear of it. I was walking around very slowly the entire time with my head up to the sky forcing myself to find something to take. I managed to take a few pictures, but they failed terribly at capturing the beauty I saw with my own two eyes. Rather than seeking out pictures, the aim of my project is instead to let them stand out of their own accord. Thefore I have decided to post regularly once a week to give this process some lenience. The amount of posts may differ between weeks as it will depend on how often something stands out to the point where I cannot stop thinking about it. I hope the first post was somewhat successful and those to follow even better!

Embarking on a New Adventure!

2010-07-31T22:06:00.001-07:00

Dear blog,

Sorry for leaving you unwatered and malnourished for months on end. I have dropped by to tell you some exciting news that will hopefully raise your spirits. From tomorrow onwards I shall be putting you to good use. From your inception I realised that I lacked a focus for you and all I've managed to do so far is fill you up with random nonsense.

Today marks the day of a venture I have entitled "project share." Here, I am bound by a promise to you to post once every day. These posts will contain a single picture and a short blurb attached acting together to portray my state of mind at the time of capture. I aim to to provide a subjective snapshot of passing memories that frequent me in my moments of solitude. Most importantly, I want you to carry these memories to a destination halfway across the world, so that a person who once shared these moments with me can still do so even though they are no longer physically present.

I hope this is not too much to ask of both my blog and my brain! There will surely be inconsistencies between posts as it is often easy to pass through days without thinking too thoroughly at all.

I suppose all we can do now is wait and see...

Work it, Make it, Do it, Makes Us...

2009-10-26T06:35:00.000-07:00

Glazed eyes fixed securely on the shiny screen.
My head is succumbing to the ease.
I feel my eyes rolling back towards the back of my head.
Totally focused, yet somehow unfocused on what is in front of me.
When I look at the screen for long enough, everything blurs together.
It's time to get down to business.
Even though my eyes are being subjected to the bright LEDs.
And my neck straining from this long held sitting position.
I'm going to puncture these keys,
I'm going to type in such a haste, that the individual clicks
Will then become a melodious beat.
My brain, fingers and eyes will be my weapons.
Here I go.

Story Time: Boris' Adventure

2009-05-18T23:24:00.000-07:00

This is Boris.

She is currently 8 years old and weighs 14lbs.

As you can tell from her coat, she is a tortoise shell.

She owns a pair of very vibrant green eyes and enjoys cuddling, eating, singing, licking and running around like a little horse.

She is fastidious when it comes to cleaning, especially the grit that can catch between her toes.

Now we've gotten to know Boris, let's move onto her story.
(A cartoon comic version that I've drawn is shown below)

On one fine morning, Boris was laying blissfully on her pile of clothes and awakened to the rumbling of a hungry stomach.

She stood up and upon seeing the door closed, blocking her way to any source of food, she began to sing. "REOW, REOWWWWW, REOW, REOOOOOW, REOW, REOOOW!"

Her owner, David, who had been asleep, was awoken by these nagging reows. He begrudgingly got up to open the door for her.

Now, Boris is a smart cat, she can open doors by herself, but today she was feeling incredibly lazy and decided to use her means of persuasiveness/annoyance to save energy.

Once the door had been opened, she immediately stopped singing and ran out to find her bowls of food and water.

She was mighty hungry, starving even. Boris gobbled down the food and the water, much like this: NOMNOMNOMNOMNOM. She gobbled and munched as fast as she could because she was afraid of starving to death.

Naughty, silly Boris. Don't you know that eating too fast is bad for you?

Poor Boris began feeling queesy. She began to regret her decision to eat up her food at an incredible rate. Even if it was yummy and she was starving, was it worth this?

What a surprise it was, when all she had eaten decided to work its way back out of the very mouth that gobbled it in. "BLEARGHAERHAWERAWE".
Out it all came, onto the kitchen floor.

"Uh oh", thought Boris. "I can't let them know it was me who made this mess..."
So Boris ran. She ran as fast as her little stumpy legs could take her. Out the door and outside, away from the reprimanding hands that would scold her.

My, my Boris, will you ever learn?

A mind out of time

2009-01-20T02:31:00.000-08:00

What an age we live in. We're gifted with inventions and progress that we would never have dreamed of ever achieving. Anything and everything is virtually possible.

You want to fly, son? The Wright Brothers took care of that.

Extraordinary minds, the thinkers of our time, the thinkers among us. Names upon names, some without credit. People who can plot out the unthinkable, and wrap their minds around the theoretical. Knowledge is built upon, revised, revisited, altered, relearned...

The marvel and complexities of science. Where at one time and place, one person chose to question, "what is inside us, around us?

Beautiful minds.

You're living amongst the inventions, which came straight from the thought processes of the most articulate minds.

They may be dead, and gone. Just a name in a book to memorise. But they're alive in their work, pure thought at your fingertips.

LEARN from them while you can.

Twilight Fanatics

2008-12-11T05:02:00.000-08:00

You squealing, screeching, screaming, clapping, awhing females should not be allowed in a cinemas. Well, at least in large hoards, making up 99.99% of the audience.

When, oh when, will you learn to "STFU".

My semi-tolerable outing turned horrid when I was subjected to the pre-pubescent and adolescent swooning females, who turn up to the cinemas in large groups, donned in the latest fashions - looking as lovely as a hooker in a ballgown.

Using common sense, I turned up a good hour earlier. After booking my tickets online, the session we were attending had been booked out within 30 minutes of arriving. Oh, the hype.
Initially the theatre was littered sparsely with females. As the movie approached it's "OMG 10 MINUTES LEFT TO WAIT!" stage, the theatre was packed to the rafters, with whining, whinging girls -
"I WANT TO SIT NEXT TO HER, JUST MOVE ALONG ONE!"
"NO, I was here first".
"OMGOMGOMG, LET'S TAKE PICTURES!"
"LIEK OMG, THE FLASH MAKES ME LOOK SOO HOT".

The pain of just sitting there, having to be surrounded by these, these... I have no words to describe them, twilight fanatics I suppose, was killing me. I felt like shooting everyone in there. How satisfying that would be. Most of all, at least punching or telling off the annoying loud American female sitting next to me. I can tell you, I came very, very close.

As I sat amongst this crowd with my friend, we both slumped down in our seats, willing the movie to start in hopes of the pointless, shallow, annoying chatter to subside.

I remember one scene vividly, where I just thought to myself, "you've got to be kidding", because of the audience's reaction.

Picture this:
Bella is sitting in the cafeteria asking the "normal" students about the Cullen family. Each member enters, starting with Rosalie and Emmett, then Jasper and Alice...
AND WHO IS TO FOLLOW?
Edward of course.
Screaming ensues. Followed by awhing, ahhing, clapping and more squealing. Edward smiles, more swooning. Edward says "hi", more swooning.
AND ONE THING I HATE THE MOST DURING MOVIES, apart from chatter during the viewing of one, is someone repeating lines.
WHICH HAPPENED A LOT, seeing that all these girls wanted to show off how addicted they were to watching the advertisements for the movie over and over again.
Sickening.

Note: Jennifer, never view a movie which has a large female fan base on the first screening in the country. Your tolerance will be waning.

P.S. If you're wondering what the movie was like, I might have a biased opinion, but I'll try to offer one as best I can.
The storyline followed very closely to the first novel in the series, Twilight, which would please readers, I assume.
The casting was great, more than great. The acting was superb for what was needed. Natural, simple, not too drawn out or tacky. It was good. Although I have a few criticisms concerning the body positioning of the actors during times when they were meant to be animal-like. It looked really awkward.
Great camera angles, flashback effects, stunt work and soundtrack.
A really good representation of the book. Strong characters, interesting plot, but somehow, forgettable. It leaves no real impact on you, other than being able to see these fictional characters brought to life.

For those fanatics out there,
You should keep clear, don't catch me on a PMS day.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Introducing a new segment to my posts, called "Kellie's World"
An articulate view of the world from Kellie's perspective. Today Kellie will be reviewing the latest Rambo movie.

Kellie’s World
Seen it? Love it? Hate it?

I recently watched Rambo (the latest one) and was BITTERLY and UTTERLY disappointed. There was barely any storyline and john Rambo should’ve been put through more than that! Last time I saw him, he was pulling an arrow out of his chest or something and mumbling about ‘blue light’. The latest Rambo was... pathetic. Sure you had mind numbing mowage and guts flying about but there was barely any storyline whatsoever. There’s a feeling of ‘is that it?!’ after watching the movie, it wasn’t even intense or suspenseful.
I WAS a fan of the previous films; however, this one was a let down.

Next time: Kellie's latest Asian craze

Blast From Teh Past - Re-posting the deleted post titled "Deteriorating"

2008-10-20T01:54:00.000-07:00

So, what am I doing?

I've been sitting here for the past six or so hours, feeling my teeth slowly get attacked by plaque and various bacterial based enemies (perhaps wielding some sort of spear, 300 style).

Why don't I go and brush my teeth?

Because my tooth brush is fail.

How did I come to this conclusion?

I decided "Hey, I might just search my toothbrush on google to see how it rates against others."

It turns out that not only does my toothbrush not get displayed on the site, but it doesn't have a 2 minute timer, two-three different speeds, or an awesomely coated brush head (where the bristles are somehow so awesome that they work to whiten your teeth).

This is all very depressing.

I mean, poor toothbrush, it was prime in it's time. But now, it's just, it doesn't even measure up. I don't have the heart to throw it out. So I'll have a seemingly innocent dental affair with a more recent version, which embodies everything it lacks.

***

Mm, so moving on.

Why are you up so late?

Because my brain was near the point of exploding, or purposely leaking out of my ear and running away.

So I wrote it a brief letter:

"Dear Brain,

You are so lovely and kind and the colour of salmon pink (I assume).

I want to use you, and take you, and make you into something large and gargantuan.

But that doesn't sound too appealing does it?

(This is starting to sound bad for an apology letter)

I'm sorry for exposing you to the evil tests called the "A-S-Tees".

If I could, I would've lovingly wrapped you in some sort of padded brain coat,

Bought you chocolates and flew you out of the test room.

But I have nought the power to perform such acts.

All I can leave you with is this.

*Tries to push a stick of chocolate coated pocky into my ear*

Much love, Jennifer.

missigh y00 alredy

*Collapses onto desk and begins to salivate*

***

Anyway, to end this blog entry,

I will tell you that I'll be seeing mister old toothbrush soon, and I'll be having a long chat with mister sleep.

I have also made amends with my brain.

Thank you for reading.

Interrupted.

2008-10-16T17:31:00.000-07:00

Whilst on a frantic shopping trip for the "perfect formal dress" in the bustling, happenin' place I like to call Sydney, I was, as my title suggests "interrupted."

Let me set the scene.

I had been walking around for hours, scouring Chatwood, QVB, Paddy's Markets and anywhere a major shopping strip was in the central business district of Sydney.

We had stumbled upon China Town, where smells and sounds of cooking were wafting into my senses, rudely awakening the monster in my stomach. "BAWERALWERJAWER".
I clutched my stomach and began to immediately salivate. I whined, "Oh god I'm sooo hungry!"
Small stalls had been set up on any space available, while still allowing a clear pedestrian walkway. Lamenated pictures of grilled baby octopus skewers, dim sims, pork buns, marinated beef, lamb and chicken skewers - 1 for $3!
I wanted to eat everything, all at once, right then (OMNOM).

It was hot. I was more thirsty than hungry and figured that we wouldn't be eating dinner just yet. So I wandered off to a stall that had a German name, but was actually American owned. I bought two scoops of icecream on a cone, JAFFA and STRAWBERRY.
After I had filled up on icecream, I noticed that the others had brought back plastic containers full of dim sims and related dumplings.
"WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE FROM?! I thought we were eating later?!"

It has been said that my eyes are bigger than my stomach, and they were scanning the packed food like pray. I hurridly gobbled down every morsal of food I could muster, regretting my decision to fill up on icecream beforehand.

Unfortunately, I ate too much. We set off, and I hobbled after them trying not to walk too fast in case I would disrupt the now plump monster in my belly.

"BEAREJALIERAWR".
"Oh god! I need to use a toilet, I NEED ONE RIGHT NOW".

We were in front of a travellers hostel. It was a really well put together type of establishment. I would've thought hostels were just huge rooms with bunk beds packed to the rafters. This one had a dining floor, internet and gaming floor, lounge/reception room, in other words, it was really nice.
I ran in, impatiently waiting at the line to ask the clerk where the nearest toilets were.

Upstairs.
I hobbled up there, desperately holding in.

RELIEF.
I found the white door marked "female" and ran in. It was an intimate type of toilet in the way that there were only two cubicals and a small sink.

UNFORTUNATELY.
There was someone occupying the cubical next to me.

"Please get out, please get out!" I chanted in my head as I waited.
I was always self conscious when it came to well "crapping huge loads" (sorry tmi?) with other people in the vicinity.
I desperately wanted to be alone.

I heard her stand up and sit down, shuffle around, knock the toilet roll, but never flush. SHE WASN'T GOING TO THE TOILET, SHE DIDN'T NEED IT. WHY WAS SHE IN THERE?!

I suddenly got very angry as my stomach groaned in protest. I wanted to yell at her. I wanted to say "GET OUT IF YOU'RE NOT USING IT!"

But then...
She started crying.
Her sobbing became more intense as she yanked off toilet paper to - well I'm guessing dry her eyes. Her cell phone rang.

"Oh god, I have to go, I HAVE TO GO NOW... I'll, I'll try and be inconspicuous".
"Agh! ---- Okay, no that doesn't work."
It felt wrong; very wrong to be angry at this woman whilst she was in a state of sadness. It also felt wrong to somehow interrupt her by releasing my bowels. I was stuck, and I had waited very long inside the toilet. The others would be worried.

I decided it'd be best to get it over and done with, because this woman was not leaving anytime soon.

I quickly washed my hands, dried them on my pants and ran out of the toilet with the woman's sobs in my head.

Interruption. Understanding.

Jennifer on - COSPLAYING.

2008-08-21T02:24:00.000-07:00

Cosplaying,

Costume-play,

Wearing pink wigs and sailor moon outfits,

MEN wearing pink wigs and sailor moon outfits...

*System malfunction*

Alright, so many of you may already have your own ideas about what cosplaying is.

Many may think that it's only for the nerds, the comic/gaming/anime loving geeks, but it can be so much more.

The costumes used aren't your typical run of the mill, quickly put together outfits... Well, in most cases.

Usually the cosplayer fully embodies the character they're trying to play; where details such as eye and hair colour, staffs/accessories and fabric texture come into play.

Now, the Japanese, they take their cosplaying very seriously and this is why I believe they OWN at cosplaying. They generally look more suited, body shape and look wise for their anime characters than their American counterparts.

Example:

Tifa from FF7

VS.

Note: Found these images on google images

To conclude, I just want to say that I love looking at cosplay pictures, good and bad,

so kids, keep up the cosplaying spirit.

If you're up for a laugh, search "bad cosplaying" in google images, you'll get the infamous man with pink wig in a sailor moon outfit and a cosplay of Rock Lee's sensei wetting his pants, from Naruto.

P.s. Somebody buy me an outfit? D:

Rawr!

2008-08-04T04:08:00.000-07:00

So, for some reason, I keep typing in "glogger.com" in the website toolbar thing instead of blogger.

I think I'm just a tad retarded. Heh, and when I do type in glogger, it comes up with the word "dummheit."

Anyway, I previously had two other blog entries that I deleted (I had 2 comments on each too, making me awesomely popular*). They just seemed really pointless and came to no real conclusions.

This got me thinking. When I have emotionally spurred rants, I usually type them up and then glow in my new-found independence. I feel as if I'm typing intellectually stimulating material. But then, when I log in to check how my site is going and read over the previous entries, I find that I sound like an absolute idiot. An emotionally stunted, irrational and strange idiot.

Nevertheless, I love making blogs. Possibly more for their attraction rather than having something substantial to say. I just enjoy typing them up and editing them to kingdom kong.

I would love to have a try at vlogging. I suppose it's more than possible, since I have a built in camera on my mac and iMovie to edit it with. But I'm afraid of looking even more like an idiot and I don't know if I can shrug off any harsh comments.

So I guess I'll just stick to blogging now and hope that people out there are reading.

Oh! Just one more thing, I've noticed on vlogs that people rarely end their videos in an ending kinda way. Heh, as in, they just stop the camera and it feels as if it was cut off short or something.

Hopefully I'll come up with something more substantial to post next time, I also need to think of some kind of catch phrase like "peace out" to finish my posts with. :/

I'll make do with this symbol for now --

~

*Sarcasm

May contain traces of people

2008-08-03T00:35:00.000-07:00

I'm the kind of person who feels inadequate unless they feel as if they're apart of something; some sort of community, social network or perhaps even bigger.

I don't necessarily have to physically be around someone; just watching people on television, listening to them on the radio, being surrounded by my contacts on msn... They give me a sense of belonging, and make me warm and tingly inside (ha ha).

I classify myself as a "lurker." I often find myself amongst throngs of people, or groups, just listening and analysing. I can also be caught staring at people, which is a bad habit to break out of, but I'm a naturally curious person.

I don't think I would be able to live in a secluded, out of the way area. I like the busy-ness of city life and the constant buzz of people. It reassures you that you're not alone.

Just the random thought of today ~

Reminder: Need to stop the vlog youtube marathons and revise